In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
