i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
