He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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