So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
