Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
