at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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