I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize