Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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