i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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