While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
