I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
