I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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