So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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