i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize