I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
