Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
