new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
