let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
