My cat gives me a boner
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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