Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize