I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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