She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
