In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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