Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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