As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
