oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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