you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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