We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
