tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I skipped work to stalk him.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
