i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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