see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
