hell yes lets make some ravioli
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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