I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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