and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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