He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
