so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My life is pants optional.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
