is wine microwaveable?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
