Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
