He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
