Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
