Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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