Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I want a musical about memes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
