hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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