New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
