ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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