he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
NoShamevember. You game?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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