just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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