New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
