all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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