I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
