I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
