so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i believe in u and ur pee
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
