Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry my hands just texted you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Couch. On fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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