VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Say something about gay babies.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
