at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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