Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
