we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize