"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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