dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
