I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
