Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
