imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
