you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
