A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
