Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His nipple licking is glorious
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