Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
