I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
