No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
