he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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